


Crossed Wires

by JestersTear



Category: Perfect Match (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 13:17:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20892737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JestersTear/pseuds/JestersTear
Summary: After finally bringing down Eros, Damien couldn't be happier with his lot in life - Daniel Park, the love of his life, loves him back; it's all he's ever wanted. Lately, though, Hayden, Daniel's other boyfriend, has been pulling away, and Damien is afraid it's all a plot that will ultimately cost him Daniel's love. In a desperate bid to prevent that from happening he goes to Hayden's house to plead with him. The truth turns out to be far different - and far more welcome - than his fears have led him to believe.





	Crossed Wires

Taking a deep breath and trying to calm the feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach Damien rang the bell. He only hoped Hayden would deign answer the door for him. He stood on the verge of losing everything that was good in his life, and Hayden was the only one with the power to prevent it. Damien wasn’t above begging.

For a short while Damien had had it all. He didn’t think he could have been happier than when he’d stood in his mother’s house, introducing Daniel Park as his boyfriend, but getting back to New York only to have Daniel say the words back to him - _I love you too, Damien,_ he’d said, and then he’d said it again and again until Damien was ready to believe him - had been the happiest moment of his life.

People outside their group of friends found it strange, that Damien would be alright with Daniel loving Hayden as well, but Damien genuinely didn’t care. Daniel loved _him_. Wanted _him_. That he wanted and loved another man as well was so unimportant that it didn’t even register, and Hayden was a good man.

Or so Damien had thought.

The last few times Daniel had come over there’d been a shadow in his eyes, a hurt he was trying to hide, pain that hadn’t been there since they’d been on the run from Eros; the night before Damien had finally gotten him to open up about it. It had turned out to be Hayden.

Hayden was pulling away from Daniel. Cancelling dates, not answering texts, being generally distant. And Daniel’s heart was breaking, but he hadn’t wanted to burden Damien with a problem with his other lover.

Did he still not know he would never be a burden to Damien?

Hayden had eventually told Daniel that he was considering ending their relationship. That it might be better if Daniel just stayed with Damien. Daniel was devastated, but Damien… Even as he comforted the man he loved his mind whirred and fear coiled in his gut.

It was a ploy, one that would ultimately cost him Daniel. Hayden was pulling away and leaving empty spaces that Damien wouldn’t know how to fill. Soon Daniel would see that Damien on his own was nowhere near enough. Hayden had been designed and programmed to perfectly match Daniel, to know how to please him on an instinctive level - how could Damien ever hold a candle to _that_?.

It would only be a matter of time before Daniel tired of him, and then Hayden would step back in and show him why Damien was extraneous. And to think he’d once thought… That he’d dreamt… No matter.

He rang again. If only Hayden came to the door they could reach an agreement. Damien could settle, he could take up less of Daniel’s time if that was what it took. He could stick to a schedule instead of the fluid organic way they’d been dating, he could see Daniel only twice a week if those were Hayden’s terms. Once a week even, if Hayden demanded it, just… The thought of going back to a life without Daniel Park was enough to bring tears to his eyes.

One of Hayden’s neighbours left the building and Damien took advantage of the opening to climb the stairs to Hayden’s apartment, two at a time. If the other man wasn’t home he’d just wait there instead.

He rang, then knocked, then called out.

“Hayden? Are you home? It’s Damien.”

He heard movement inside and the door was unlocked to reveal Hayden, dark circles under his eyes.

“Damien? I thought you were Daniel. Come in.”

He’d thought Damien was Daniel so he hadn’t come to the door? That didn’t bode well. He followed the other man into the apartment, closing the door behind him. The moment he walked into the living room, leaning against the arm of the sofa, he couldn’t stay silent another minute.

“Can we come to an arrangement? Find some sort of common ground?”

He’d planned on starting the negotiations more calmly, to not give away the despair he felt, but the words just cascaded out of his mouth. There was no way Hayden wouldn’t realise how much power he held over Damien’s happiness, either way. Best not to dwell on it.

The Match turned wearing a puzzled frown.

“Common ground on what?”

“Hayden. You _know_ what. Daniel, of course.”

At the mention of Daniel grief lurked behind Hayden’s eyes. Damien didn’t know what to make of that expression - it certainly didn’t fit with the conclusions he’d drawn.

“What common ground on Daniel?”

“He said you were planning on ending it.”

“I… Yes. I am. I think it’s best for everyone.”

“Hayden, _please_. If… If this is a clever way of making him realise that losing you will be harder than losing me… I have never stood in your way. You’ve always had as much of Daniel as you’ve both wanted, _always_. And I can make more room - I can see less of him…” His voice dropped to a whisper, heavy with tears as Hayden’s eyes widened. “Please don’t make me lose him.”

Hayden’s look was full of empathy and compassion as the Match stepped closer and laid a comforting hand on Damien’s shoulder.

“I’m not trying to make you lose him, Damien, I promise. I wouldn’t do that. I’ve never minded that he loves you, not for a moment.”

Damien stared. He… He _believed_ Hayden. Completely. And yet he could plainly see that the other man was anything but happy about the decision he was considering.

“I don’t mind that he loves you either. And if you don’t mind, and I don’t mind, and he certainly doesn’t mind - why would you leave him?”

The hand lifted from his shoulder as Hayden's expression shuttered belligerently.

“Am I not allowed to have feelings for someone else?”

Well. That was unexpected.

“So that’s it?” Damien didn’t know why he was questioning it now that he was certain it wasn’t a ploy to get Daniel away from him, only that the thought of Hayden letting go of Daniel like this didn’t sit well with him. “Someone else comes along and suddenly you’re no longer in love with Daniel? Just like that?”

Hayden closed his eyes, looking pained. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving Daniel.”

“Then why? You have to know he’d be totally okay with that - he’s not a hypocrite. Or is this new person in your life demanding exclusivity?”

“He’s not… _in_ my life,” Hayden replied softly, “at least not like that.”

“Then why?” he repeated, having trouble understanding.

“Why are you here, Damien? I’ve given you Daniel all to yourself - why linger around the toaster? Are you still afraid it’ll take him from you?”

“Don’t call yourself that!”

Hayden laughed humourlessly.

“Why not? Isn’t that what I am? A _thing_? Less than human, a pretty little fucktoy that ought to know its place?”

Realisation dawned on Damien, swiftly followed by cold fury. If that was how the man Hayden had feelings for had rejected him then Damien didn’t trust himself not to murder the man. It had to have been brutal for Hayden to retreat so suddenly, and the term ‘fucktoy’ coming out of his lips… He shuddered in revolt.

“Tell me who he is. This man who has you believing that nonsense.”

Hayden rounded on him.

“Isn’t that what you believe as well? It’s not much different from what you said in Berlin.”

Colour drained from Damien’s face.

“I’ve apologised for that, but I’ll keep apologising. I know it’ll never be enough. You had the man I’ve loved for four years wrapped around your finger; I was jealous and petty and _wrong_. I _needed_ you to be less than what you are - I needed a reason to tell myself it was okay to leave you behind. You’re a good man, Hayden. A far better person than many humans out there. A far better person than _I_ am. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Don’t give Daniel up for a bigoted asshole who doesn’t realise the opportunity he’s turning down.”

As he’d spoken, very slowly, Hayden’s expression began to morph from hurt to surprise, though there was still pain behind his eyes.

“I thought… You’d be happier, the both of you, if I were to bow out. Daniel, he… He broke up with me in Berlin. He didn’t want me when he found out I was a Match. He was all yours. Until Dolores Park, until he felt sorry enough for me to come back to me. There’s no fairy godmother to turn me into a real boy, Damien. I don’t want the most important thing in my life to be a relationship borne of pity.”

Damien swallowed around the lump in his throat. He had the overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around the other man and only barely managed to suppress it.

“That’s not why Daniel broke up with you at all. He was afraid he’d be limiting you to stay within the confines of your programing considering Eros had made you as his perfect match. Afraid he was taking away your free will. Dolores Park happened because he couldn’t bear to be away another minute. You pulling away now is crushing him. Don’t you know how much he loves you?”

“I…” Hayden trailed off, a sliver of hope in his gaze.

“This man you have feelings for, he’s not good for you, Hayden. He’s not good for anyone if he has you thinking you’re a…” he couldn’t bring himself to say the word so he just gestured helplessly “_that_. Don’t use that word again - you’re not _that_.”

“He’s not the one who said it. It was an old lady at the grocer’s. Didn’t seem the type to swear. Guess she makes an exception for Matches. But her rant, it… Got me wondering. About what I was taking from you, the both of you, to be happy.”

Hayden looked down, still looking forlorn, and Damien could do nothing except step closer and hook a finger underneath his chin, to force him to meet his eyes. His voice was gentle.

“Hey, now. You’re not taking anything from us. What you’re doing is giving. I’m not jealous anymore, and Daniel _loves_ you. And that man, if he has feelings for you, I’m certain Daniel won’t-”

“It’s you.”

It was barely a whisper, but it froze Damien in his tracks. He tried to form a coherent sentence through the pounding of his heart, through the hitching of his breath. He was afraid he’d misheard.

“…What?”

“I know you don’t feel the same way. I know you don’t even like me much, but I-”

Damien silenced him with a kiss. Kissing Hayden was so different from kissing Daniel, and yet no less amazing for it. Ever since that night in LA he’d been trying to squash the feeling of wanting more from Hayden, but now… Hayden pulled away from the kiss.

“You don’t have to do this, Damien.”

A memory rose unbidden of himself and Daniel in the forest in Berlin. He’d said much the same thing to the other man that night, and he’d said it when he thought he was being rejected. He’d never forget how devastating that feeling was - he didn’t want Hayden to believe that for even a second. He leaned his forehead on Hayden’s, caressing the other man’s cheekbone with his thumb.

“I’m not doing it for you - I’m doing it for me. I want you, Hayden. Have for a while now.”

That propelled Hayden to action. He kissed Damien, needy and desperate, hands roaming freely under Damien’s shirt and then promptly relieving him of it as he made Damien back into the sofa’s arm again. Damien hadn’t come here for this, he hadn’t expected it or imagined it would happen, and he wasn’t someone for whom sex was a quick decision even after feelings were admitted to, but feeling Hayden’s body against his now? He’d be hard-pressed to bring himself to stop it, and not only because of the certainty that it would bruise Hayden to his core.

Hayden whimpered and Damien held him closer, opening the buttons on his shirt, wanting to feel every inch of his skin. The depth of the unnamed emotion he was feeling terrified him, but it was hard to stay afraid while Hayden was kissing along his jaw with such passion. Fear could come later.

* * *

Warm and sated, with his legs trembling from the effort to keep upright, Damien came back to himself. He barely remembered how they’d gotten from the living room to the kitchen, leaving scattered clothes along the way. Hayden had ended up on the kitchen counter, arms and legs wrapped up around him, and Damien was reasonably certain he owed the man for the replacement of one or two small appliances. The coffee machine, for sure, and perhaps the blender as well. He felt like laughing from sheer joy, and he buried his head in the curve of the other man’s neck in a futile attempt to shield himself from the torrent of emotion. Hayden’s voice broke the silence.

“Was it good for you?”

It was a cliché question, and one he would have normally found cringeworthy, but there was something in Hayden’s shaky voice that pierced Damien’s giddiness enough to make him feel uneasy. He lifted his head to look into the other man’s troubled eyes.

“Hayden? Is something wrong?”

“No, I just… Wanted to know if it’d been good. For you.”

“It was _very_ good but… What’s going on?”

A tentative smile broke Hayden’s expression.

“So you might want to… Try it again sometime?”

“Wha– Hayden this wasn’t an _audition_!”

The fledgling smile vanished as Hayden nodded, more to himself than to Damien. His entire face fell, though he put on a brave front as he disentangled himself from Damien and hopped off the counter.

“Just the once then. I understand.”

Damien grabbed Hayden’s wrist as he made to move away and spun him around and into his arms.

“I get the feeling you think I’m rejecting you and I don’t know what I did to give you that impression.” He cupped Hayden’s cheek. “It was _very_ good, but it didn’t have to be. We’d have figured out a way to make it good in time even if it hadn’t started out that way.”

Hayden jerked his head in surprise then looked into Damien’s eyes as if he could gauge the truth in his words if only he just gazed deep enough. His lips were parted in astonishment.

“Even if it hadn’t been good?”

“Most good things take time. The best–”

Hayden kissed him mid sentence and Damien closed his eyes. It was several minutes before they parted and the Match spoke.

“I was programmed to be Daniel’s perfect match. When I’m with him I know that all my instincts are exactly right - that if I follow them it’ll be great for both him and me. With you… I had no certainty. It was all trial and error. I had to guess by your reactions if you were enjoying it or not. It’s terrifying.”

Damien grinned, tension releasing.

“Congratulations, Hayden, you’ve just discovered another part of being a person. Trial and error is a part of making– of having sex with someone new. I had zero certainty of you liking it as well, but that didn’t stop me. Would you give up on something important after just one try?”

He couldn’t believe what had nearly come out of his own mouth. Making love? Was that what had just happened between them? So soon?

“Something important? _Me_? To you? I thought– you said you’d wanted me for a while. Now you’ve had me. I thought it might be enough. To… If all you wanted to do was to satisfy your curiosity of being with a Match, or to scratch an itch, or–”

"_Stop_. Jesus, will you just _stop_? You have just as much value as anyone made out of flesh and blood. You knew it too, before your encounter with that woman.

"You’re important to me. _Very_ important. Daniel _loves_ you. We both know what your body’s made of and it couldn’t matter less to either of us. When I said I wanted you I didn’t mean for a quick fumble.

"You won’t ever know how deeply sorry and ashamed I am of what I said in Berlin. I regret it every day.

“I’ve wanted to be with you - really _be_ with you, not just a tumble - since that night at the club when you asked me to dance. I didn’t think it’d be what you wanted.”

Hayden’s eyes shone brightly in a radiant smile.

“Really? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I already had Daniel. It seemed greedy to hope for more out of life. But that didn’t mean I didn’t picture it… The three of us being disgustingly domestic once we were back here. Going out with the dog, eating snacks in front of the TV, bickering over whose turn it was to do the dishes… Every time Daniel came to meet you I wished it could be the three of us instead.”

“Damien…”

“Can I hope that’s something you’d like as well?”

Hayden looked at him deeply again, eyes clear and honest.

“I love you. Both of you. It’s why I was giving him up. It felt like a waste to come between you when you’re both the best the other one could have, and I’m just–”

Damien crushed his lips to the other man’s, heart beating so fast he was almost afraid he was about to rupture something. Hayden clung to him tightly, wrapping a strong hand that shook the tiniest bit around the back of Damien’s neck. When they finally ended the kiss their foreheads remained touching.

“Wonderful,” Damien said, completing Hayden’s sentence, “you’re just wonderful. Hayden, I… I can’t say those words yet–”

“I’m not asking you to feel–”

“One sentence.” He held up a finger. “Please, let me get just one sentence out with no interruptions?”

“You started it,” Hayden replied with a smirk, and Damien laughed before continuing.

“I can’t say those words yet - I’ve spent months trying to stop my feelings for you from deepening - but I know I’m close. I know I want you in my life, in my arms, in my bed. I know everything I have, and that includes Daniel, is better with you in it.” He blushed fiercely as Hayden guffawed at his unfortunate choice of words.

“Yes, yes, I just realised what that sounded like. Do you laugh in the face of every man who’s trying to woo you?”

Hayden kissed him again and Damien felt lightheaded with joy and relief. He’d thought he was being manipulated into losing the man he loved, and it had turned out he was gaining the love of a different man instead… One whom he was on his way to loving as well.

He had a lot to atone for with Hayden, but that didn’t seem to matter in Hayden’s eyes. Damien would do anything to protect him, to make certain he never thought of himself as an object again.

Kind, strong, gentle Hayden, who was figuring himself out and yet was always there for everyone. Damien had buried the feeling under so many layers, afraid karma would take Daniel away if he yearned for Hayden, certain Daniel was already far more than he deserved after Beitan… Now he truly had everything.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wished Damien and Hayden could fall for one another as well as for the MC so, in time-honoured fanfic tradition, I fixed it. 
> 
> Xaevan, on Choices' Reddit, drew a lovely piece of artwork of the dance scene that wouldn't get out of my head, and which turned out to be the final push for me to write this fic. You can [see the artwork here](http://www.reddit.com/r/Choices/comments/blexjy/pm2_chap_12_fanart_hayden_damien/). 
> 
> In my mind this is with a blond Hayden and an Asian MC, but I've purposely left the description vague so everyone is free to picture their own version of the characters. The link above, much to my delight, features blonde Hayden.


End file.
